If you're not interested, tell me now so I won't have to waste anymore of my time. But if you are, put in some effort and prove to me that you want this as bad as I do because im tired of fighting for something that may never be. I wish you'd understand that being the best one is meaningless to me when I'm not the only one. For such a smart guy, you sure are dense. This is ridiculous, I shouldn't have to compete for your love when I'm here giving you my all. It's not like I'm asking for much, I just want to know that you care, that you've acknowledged everything I've been doing. To truly love someone, is to put their feelings before your own, and that's true for the most part, but I can't cater to your every need. But I know that if I keep putting myself first i'll only succeed in pushing you away.
I guess, at the end of it all, I have closure even if it isn't what I wanted. If someone doesn't care about me or won't make any efforts to show that they do, then it really isn't worth it in the long run. it just sucks to want something so badly, but having to concede to have nothing at all. I'm partially sorry for lashing out at you. I'm also partially sony for wasting my time. I don't want to characterize it as such - time wasting and all I want to reflect on this as a lesson learned and a period in my life where I lived "in the moment!' Sadly, I cannot. The way I see it, however, is that I did myseff a great disservice, and at least now I can heal on my own.