Wednesday, June 13, 2012


If you're not interested, tell me now so I won't have to waste anymore of my time. But if you are, put in some effort and prove to me that you want this as bad as I do because im tired of fighting for something that may never be. I wish you'd understand that being the best one is meaningless to me when I'm not the only one. For such a smart guy, you sure are dense. This is ridiculous, I shouldn't have to compete for your love when I'm here giving you my all. It's not like I'm asking for much, I just want to know that you care, that you've acknowledged everything I've been doing. To truly love someone, is to put their feelings before your own, and that's true for the most part, but I can't cater to your every need. But I know that if I keep putting myself first i'll only succeed in pushing you away.

I guess, at the end of it all, I have closure even if it isn't what I wanted. If someone doesn't care about me or won't make any efforts to show that they do, then it really isn't worth it in the long run. it just sucks to want something so badly, but having to concede to have nothing at all. I'm partially sorry for lashing out at you. I'm also partially sony for wasting my time. I don't want to characterize it as such - time wasting and all I want to reflect on this as a lesson learned and a period in my life where I lived "in the moment!' Sadly, I cannot. The way I see it, however, is that I did myseff a great disservice, and at least now I can heal on my own.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I want a platonic relationship

On Sat, Mar 3, 2012 at 5:47 AM, Mj Uzumaki <> wrote:
> Lately.,ive been thinking "why is that some guys will just text u,call
> u or hangout with u if he only likes u.,?" i know ive whined about
> love in d past.,there were times that i felt a bit desperate looking
> for d right one.,but since im a gemini, change is the only constant
> thing in my life..yesterday i want a lover,NOW im not in d mood to be
> inlove.,i just want to enjoy hanging out with someone.,talking with
> them.,laughing,being silly.,like when im with my girl friends.,in
> a kind of relationship where u care bout each other but not as
> bf/gf.,just because he/she is ur friend.,no expectations.,no rules.,no
> conditions.,no sexual desire.,no lies., but its kinda hard to get.,Q_Q
> for example this guy.,we've been friends for like 3yrs now.,he's one
> of my good friends who's always there to console me.,i owe him a lot d
> last time i was down because of Phijay.,(early Feb2012).,i sent him a
> txt msg around 3 or 4am and he called me up immediately..though i
> didn't take his call,cause at that time im not really in d mood to
> speak with someone.,maybe i just need a soundboard.,but still he keeps
> on texting and calling me.,i find it nice of him talaga.,he's
> funny,super nice and sweet.,but i don't know..i just wish he'll stay
> that way na lang.. I find it awkward kasi when sometimes he's being
> too sweet to me.,,im not dense naman.,i
> find it weird whenever he says im cute.,even my "big nose" he calls it
> cutie nose" hahahaha., :)) though i should be flattered that someone
> appreciates me despite my flaws...he's too good of a friend to be my
> bf.,correction: i want him to remain as my close friend.. Maybe i used to consider him as a bf because he's smart and all.,but i only see him now
> as a buddy,and i hope he feels d same way.,i don't wanna lose him as
> a friend cause its hard to find a good guy like him.,not
> maniac.,sensible and stuffs.,
> although i know that its too good to be true.,that's why it kinda
> sucks when ur comfortable with a guy that u can be urself,be
> funny.,then emo d next.,without any pretensions.,and u not having to
> impress him.,u can act silly around,.be sweet.,then all of a sudden
> it'll all be awkward,cause he'll like u.,suddenly ur not just a
> friend.. I wish we could stay friends..i wish guys would hangout with
a girl not for anything.,not because he's gay,.not because he likes d
> girl.but just because he wants to have another "crazy girl FRIEND".,:)
>  On a 2nd thought,.that also brought me into conclusion,that a lot of
> times when u see a guy as a friend.,we girls show the real us.,but
> when we like a guy or have a crush on him, we tend to impress him to
> the point of faking it, just for him to take notice and like us., and
> rarely it works.,and even if ur "small roleplaying" works.there's
> always the time when our real selves will creep in,then we'll become a
> monster in disguise in their eyes., Lesson: always be who you
> are.,don't pretend to be someone for him to like u.,cause a guy who
> really loves u will love that "creepy and crazy gal" inside u.,:)

Wrote this ng maalimpungatan ako after a weird dream..:P

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

My Alternative Songs Month

the angels they burn inside for us 
are we ever 
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down 
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold 

I consider this month of February as my "my alternative songs month"..why? cause i was soo sad (not anymore) ayun this song "Angels and Demons" by Dishwalla caught my interest..,along with the other old stuffs.,like "I Think God Can Explain by Splender".,"Look After You by The Fray" and a host of others..(click this ALTERNATIVE  to listen to the songs ) Pinapakinggan ko siya noon everytime i feel sad and wanna reflect.,it helped.,kaso lalo lang ako nasa-sad that time kaya hindi ko muna sila pinakinggan.,but now that im feeling better.,ayun ok na :)

What i like about these songs aside from the melody syempre are the lyrics.,its totally what i felt at that time.,and mga gusto ko sabihin.,lyrics is important to me bago ko mgustuhan yung song.,kaya aun.,:)

Angels and Demons..yung time that im still depressed
I think God can Explain...when i finally learned to accept and let go.,.,ill just let God do his will i guess.,this song kinda made me stronger.,and helped me to move on :)

It's all right, I'm O.K., 
I think God can explain,
I believe I’m the same,
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm O.K., 
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed, 
I'll get over it yeah.

How many boyfriends you've had??

A lot of times i got ask "how many boyfriends you've had in the past?" Im sure someone had ask you the same question..Some would answer "just a few" or "nope i've never had one" (ay bongga maria clara c ate!)..A few (mostly guys) would brag about how many girls they've managed to get laid in the past.,(honestly guys its not a turn on..).  But most of us always choose the safest answer answer "i don't know hindi naman ako nagbibilang".

In the past,.gamit na gamit ko yung last answer..maybe because ayaw ko lang mg-elaborate too much.,or i was afraid that someone might think i have lots of experience.,i know it sucks -_-.,but its a fact.,A lot of people thinks that a girl who had a lot of bf  must have a lot of sexual encounters.,so judgemental right?  Not all are maniacs.,LOL.,! and not all relationships naman consider sex as the cohesive tape between two partners.,might be true in most cases but not always..

Oh well my Gemini thingy kicked again.,im losing my point lol.,im here to tell you what's my answer to the question i mentioned before.,"how many boyfriends did i have?" .,Like what ive said i used to give the safest answer.,but that was before.,Cause for the past 2yrs and a half of being single i realized i only had ONE boyfriend in my entire life.,

Yeah some of the peeps who asked find my answer a bit weird..Some of my friends would even say "aw don't believe her, she had lots! "   Yeah im not saying i only had one guy.,they're right i had lots..don't get me wrong.,im not implying that im pretty ha! how i wish LOL! just average.,not the type of girl na  "mapapa-second look" ka.,but i guess its because when i was still young i was pretty active in the dating scene.,not active like grabbing a guy and have some "fun" thing okay??    What i mean is when i was young i had this crazy pattern which im not proud of.,I know a lot of people na meron den nitong pattern na to.,

Here's the pattern :  When you were young and your steady bf/gf are breaking up or close to breaking up..lots of times there's always the "reserba" guy/girl..and this "reserba" might be the reason you guys are breaking or migt come after your relationship ended..,but whichever.,this "reserba" is the next person you'll have a relationship with.,if you're the one who cheated, he/she is your "kabet" of some sort.,If ur the brokenhearted one, this person is ur "panakip butas"..You get what i mean?  Im not saying the "kabet" or 3rd party is always the bad one okay?  He/she might be super awesome that you chose to him/her over the one you're with..(teka nalalayo na naman ako)  What im pointing is, when we were young we tend to engage ourselves to a "rebound relationship".,(ill tackle this one on my future post)  SO because of this rebound thing, which is like "jumping from one relationship to another"., i had lots of guys...(actually not lots naman, i know others have tons lol)  

Of course i had strong feelings for these guys.,AT THAT TIME ha.. we said iloveu's.,cared for each other.,the usual bf/gf thing.,ive left some of them and broke their hearts which made them hate me at that time (hehehe nagmaganda eh no)..,But of course,there were also those wo left me and made me stay awake,crying all night ng bongga.,these guys are the one whom i thought i really love.,cause when someone left you,its automatic that you'll feel like "OMG i can't lose him,i love him so much.," OR "i beg you fate,bring him back.,cause i won't ever love this way again"..blah blah blah.,  Sometimes i'll even tell that person who broke my heart "I won't ever forget you for the rest of my life.."  LOL.,now that i think about it,i realized im full of crap! haha.,  Maybe i meant those words at that time.,i even remember being heartbroken for this one guy (Naruto) for a year.,it even affected my work till i left my job.,cause i was sooooo depress talaga.,(he's the reason why i started this blog years ago.,)  Cause i was so heartbroken i needed an outlet,.i said ill give my all just to get him back....

But you know what?? All these guys i said i loved (including Naruto)..none of them ang kino-consider ko as my boyfriend or ex now...except longest relationship with Mr.Babyface..(corny codename eh,lol.,i can't

Monday, February 20, 2012

Life goes on..

"You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him, or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone, or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he would want: SMILE, OPEN YOUR EYES, LOVE and GO ON."

no copyright intended

Sunday, February 19, 2012


ayun another valentines had pass..2010..2011..2012..loveless ang lola mo..! LOL.,although its not much of a big deal naman.,.technically i think i spent valentines without a guy for 5yrs talaga.,cause the first two years eventhough im still with Phijay, he wasn't here naman because of his work.,soooo it means 5 consecutive years na aqong ZERO! no letter.,no card.,no cake.,no flower.,no gift.,no iloveu's.,hehehe.,so wawa.,

though someone asked me for a date naman.,kaso i don't know..sometimes gusto ko na sapukin sarili ko.,why can't i even go to a "friendly date".,sobrang tinatamad talaga ako.,specially when i don't feel anything naman with the guy.,i don't wanna lead him on.,sayang naman ang effort at money nea right??  but the downside..its like im limiting myself.,instead of widening my horizon, ako naman yung tanggi ng tanggi.,to think na wala naman akong karapatang maging "choosy" cause sabi nga ng quotes "choosy ka pa,juicy ka ba?" LOL.,im not naman.,kaso  don't know maybe gaya ng sabi ko sa isang guy friend.,as u get older u tend to be a bit picky.,ang hirap ng mainlove.,or kiligin.,BLAME THE HORMONES!

but going back.,im still happy! cause i was able to spend my vday with my family! :) 2009-2011 i spent it with my friends.,umalis den naman kmi ng family.,but this year 2012.,its exclusively for my family lang.,we ate out and konting pasyal (nasira nga lang diet ko)  sobrang pagod.,nakatulog agad kami as soon as we

Monday, February 13, 2012

Mind Over Matter..

I don't want to mind the matter my english is so deep,i can't swim!

oh well,this past few weeks..lage ako sinersuman ng nanay ko na ayusin ang aking closet..well actually i like to keep it organized naman..kaso minsan ewan q ba sa mga kapatid qoh ginagawang taguan yung aparador qoh.,or minsan naman kumukuha ng damit ng walang paalam (yung mga old tees qoh na mejo small pa ung size..) i know..sabi ni mama nde q nman na kaso im still hoping na papayat pa qoh lol.,anu bah?! so yeah..

last challenging myself.,cause u know i have this "weird talent",talent b un? actually its not yet confirmed pa but wala lang i just wanna try it lang.,and my weird thingy ay related sas paranormal i think? i don't really know what's the right term.,but i guess its like "ESP" (extra sensory perception)..,actually since i was a kid.,i had these "weird hunches".,not really like a premonition..kasi wala naman akong nakikita..but whatever.,ayun nung bata pa lang ako..ahmm there was this old neighbor na may sakit and i told myself that he won't last long.,

teka.,tom na lang.,its 1:28 am here.,mejo lumamig.,kinabahan bgla lola mo lol.,cge takutin ba sarili!.,tom q nlng tpusin to! mahirap na :P

Friday, February 10, 2012

Lessons in Life

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I Love to Hate You

Me after meeting a pathological Liar..>my Ego hurts >Hate > Indifference > Amused :)

Dear Mr.Lemon,

Monday, February 6, 2012

In just one snap

Funny when the one thing that you thought doesn't matter to you for years..could make you feel like you just wanted to die in just one snap..,

I just woke up around 3am and this random thought suddenly came to my head... thinking of Phijay .,i wish i could turn back the i could take back my words..that i wanna be free from sucks that after 3yrs of not caring, i just found myself missing him.,why now ko lang na-realized how great his love was for me...?? just hurt a lot that i wanna die ( not literally though,msakit weh) in sleep...hope this is just for now..

Sunday, February 5, 2012


Misery loves company. Don't let miserable people suck the happiness out of your life.

First Rant "Should You Check Your Partners Cellphone/Facebook?"

Hi girls! I'm Mr.NotSoGoodGuy and apparently this is my first post. I'm not really good in this thing cause i'm a lazy ass,(rather play on my PS3 gah!) but Fickle asked me to do this, cause she said i need some release too hahaha! and yeah to give a guy's point of view here..

Oh well, you guys don't know but i just got out of a bad break up recently. Really really bad, that i'm starting to get scared with the girls! lol kidding..You see, this girl i used to hang out with for like a month, started showing signs of being crazy..Suddenly she wants to get all my passwords..on my email, Facebook (which she gladly deactivated after we broke up ) my phone password and would you believe even my game accounts!!?? Crazy right??

Yes it was really crazy but come to think of that i try to look back and think of my reaction at that time..maybe she really have a reason to be suspicious.. Honestly, i kinda regret

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Appreciating Sadness

Sometimes when im feeling okay.,i find it a lil boring.,don't get me wrong,im a happy person.,i love being happy.,but sometimes i kinda miss being sad.,the feeling of being heartbroken.,cause it is when i appreciate the lyrics of a song.,it motivates me to write and express my feelings.,it reminds me to appreciate what i have over what i need.,sadness makes me aware that even if someone left, the real people who loves me are still there.,sadness makes me thankful for my family and friends who embrace me with their unconditional love especially when im in my lowest moment., Being sad doesn't necessarilymake you an emo.,being sad is a form of connecting to your innerself., discovering yourself.,and knowing the importance of the people who really matters.,See? Its not that bad.,

Now.,I might be crazy thinking bout you.,while ur busy thinking of
someone else.,
Now.,You must be very happy taking care of her heart, while ur breaking mine.,
Now.,I maybe holding on to your promise while u've already forgotten
all about it.,
But time is my friend.,
Tomorrow you'll see.,
Everything will change.,and my feelings is no exception.,
Just watch me..

Friday, February 3, 2012

Crazy thoughts 1

"..have u ever think of me even once? You may not be in my thoughts as much as before,.but every now and then, especially when im alone.,i sometimes thinks of u.,i want to convince myself that you're just busy
with some stuffs.,but do you think its an excuse enough.,? "

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Journal hopping

Nope.,not d usual blog hopping where i go to one blog to another.Remember last night i was hoping to find an online notepad..why? Causei can't open my Penzu diary on my phone.,although i do have mypersonal blog on blogger ( d mother of all my blogs,cause i have lots)its not working as well on my cp whenever i try to compose one.,i waslosing hope n tlga.,even tumblr doesn't like me:( so then i decidedto just settle with a downloadable diary like my old one efficient diary.,but then again im still skeptical den kc what if ma-wipe outang memory q.,so i searched for top blogsites.,it gave me livejournal.,i transferred my posts on penzu one by one.,a bittedious.,then i found out they're not really for free and the layout kinda bored me.,so i went back to blogger again.,good thing,they have email2blogger.,not sure if if that's the right term.,but that means ican just type it on my email then it'll automatically publish my postafter sending it to a certain addy.,im currently doing it now butstill have to struggle with char limitation.,hahaizt.,how i wish ihave a smartphone,even the cheapest one.,-_-

Monday, January 30, 2012

My not-so very first entry

This is my first time using this.,i used to have an online notepad but i guess they shut it down.,i also have an online diary at penzu but unfortunately i can't access it here on my mobile.,so yeah im trying diz stuff.,facebook notes naman kainis.,after a long paragraph ill soon find out that it would be cut in half.,hopefully this one won't disappoint me.,i really need a good online notepad cause every now and then a thought will just popped out from my mind.,and im not always infront of the pc naman.,or aun naputol...kaasar d ba? haha oh well ill paste this na lang sa livejournal..ugh

~imported this from an online notepad..kalimutan q na anu un..